Live & Uncensored: State of the Union RESPONSE

What’s up, my Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Taylor Dandies, and other obvious fans of mine, it is I, your lord and saviour Corey Taylor. That’s right, I used a “U” in savior. You see, I’ve been to the England many a times. In fact, I might just go there again next week. You see, I … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: State of the Union RESPONSE

Live & Uncensored: Tax the Sun

Yo Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Taylor Disciples, and other cool cats, it is I—your lord and savior Corey Taylor. You know what I read today? Well, quite a bit. You see, despite being the world’s most famous and most handsome rock and roll singer, I still make time to get a lot of reading done. … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Tax the Sun

Live & Uncensored: What a Shithole!

Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Cult of Corey, and anyone else who might be reading, it is I—the Great Corey Taylor—here to dispense my thoughts and wisdom on you. You see, as a celebrity rockstar rock god, it is my moral obligation to dedicate at least part of my very busy schedule to inform the uneducated … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: What a Shithole!

Breaking News: Forest of Illusions

Hello again disciples of truth, it is I, Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to CLOBBER your face and ribs with my biceps of truth and mitts of RAW strength. This past WEEK, some kid called Logan Paul ALLEGEDLY went to Aokigahara (aka The SEA of Trees) and filmed a YouTube video of himself making … Continue reading Breaking News: Forest of Illusions

Live & Uncensored: “In the Weeds”

Hey Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, and other fans of the Corey Taylor multiverse, it’s me, Corey Taylor—the lead singer and vocalist of such bands as Slipknot, Stone Sour, the Corey Taylor Experience, and Led Zeppelin (in this comic book I wrote and illustrated in a dream I had last night). As some of you might … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: “In the Weeds”

Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!

Hey Knotheads™, Sour Patch Kids™, and other obvious fans of mine, this is me—Corey Taylor—and I’m mad as all heck right now. Notice how I didn’t swear just there? Yeah, I know this column is called “Live & Uncensored”, but I decided to censor myself anyway. That’s how uncensored it is. I can say and … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!

Live & Uncensored: Gillibranded

Hey Knotheads and other fans of mine, it’s me—Corey Taylor—back again to do my moral obligation as the greatest and most handsome singer of all time to bring you my thoughts on stuff. Some may ask, what about Ronnie James Dio, Rob Halford, or Bruce Dickinson? Aren’t they greater? The answer is NO. I’m the … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Gillibranded

Breaking News: Straight Dope

Hello again folks, it’s your ol’ pal Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here to RATTLE the cages and break this folding CHAIR of KNOWLedge over your puny little skulls. News dropped today from the InterNATIONAL Olympic Committee that the nation of Russia will be BARRED from the 2018 games as punishment for systematic state-SPONSORED doping at … Continue reading Breaking News: Straight Dope

Breaking News: Trump Wrestles CNN?

Hello COMRADES, it’s Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to DELIVER you the latest HARD HITTING news. On Sunday July 2, Donald Trump, the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, retweeted a video of him wrestling the CNN in a no-holds-barred fight. First of ALL, if THIS video were real—which I’ll get to inna MINUTE—it would … Continue reading Breaking News: Trump Wrestles CNN?

Kevin Can Wait, “The Fart of the Deal”

The family is all gathered in the assembly hall to watch Sara read her poem in front of the whole school. Just as she steps up to the microphone, Kevin accidentally lets out a huge fart causing the crowd to erupt in stench-soaked laughter. Sara rips up her poem and runs home crying. No longer … Continue reading Kevin Can Wait, “The Fart of the Deal”

Breaking News w/Chris Berman: Jury Convicts Woman for Laughing at Jeff Sessions

Look out folks, this one is a doozy! HuffPost is reporting that a jury has convicted Desiree “Let’s Go to the” Fairooz for laughing during the Jeff “Studio” Sessions's confirmation hearing when it was said that Sessions treats people equally and fairly, even if they aren’t racially white. Whoop whoop! Not sure why they’ve asked … Continue reading Breaking News w/Chris Berman: Jury Convicts Woman for Laughing at Jeff Sessions