What do you get when Chris Columbus writes a film adaptation of a John Grisham comedy starring Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dan Akroyd and that kid who played Dewey on Malcolm in the Middle? If you guessed Christmas with the Kranks, you would be wrong. The correct answer was a complete and utter disaster. … Continue reading Bing Bang Review: Christmas with the Kranks
Month: December 2017
Kevin Can Wait, “Santa, Bring My Baby Back (To Kevin)”
With the Gable children completely wiped from existence, Kevin decides to call upon help from the only man-spirit who could possibly help track down his kids: Santa Claus (Jim Belushi)! When Santa arrives, the two discover that whatever is causing Kevin’s reality to warp has also summoned an unwelcome guest—The Krampus.
Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!
Hey Knotheads™, Sour Patch Kids™, and other obvious fans of mine, this is me—Corey Taylor—and I’m mad as all heck right now. Notice how I didn’t swear just there? Yeah, I know this column is called “Live & Uncensored”, but I decided to censor myself anyway. That’s how uncensored it is. I can say and … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!
Dracula’s Batty Horrordays!
Bela Lugosi is back via computer magic for this all new holiday musical! When a blizzard strikes his castle, Dracula tries to make the best out of a bad situation by throwing a special holiday celebration for all his monster friends including Vampira (Ariana Grande), the Wolfman (Adam Lambert), Mitch McConnell (as himself), and the … Continue reading Dracula’s Batty Horrordays!
Breaking News: Fox in the House of Mouse
Greetings comrades, Uncle Jesse “The NEWSMAN” Ventura here to set the record straight with my biceps of knowledge. It’s being reported THAT the Walt Disney corporation is buying up 21st Century Fox for over $52 billion DOLLARS. That’s more MONEY than I’ve earned at ALL my Wretlemanias put together! Some ARE speculating that DISNEY is … Continue reading Breaking News: Fox in the House of Mouse
Big Bang Theory, “The Forbidden Fraternization”
As the Potato Penny finds herself being the “other woman” in an affair with LA Angels first baseman Albert Pujols, her ex-husband Leonard, too, finds himself in a forbidden love as he and his grad student do some passionate “research” in the lab at night. Meanwhile, Sheldmond and Amy have a frustrating time trying to … Continue reading Big Bang Theory, “The Forbidden Fraternization”
Young Sheldon, “The Pros and Bazingas of Hitchhiking”
When word gets out that Carl Sagan is giving a free lecture in Houston, Young Sheldon begs his parents to take him. When his drunken father George Sr. tells him that he can’t afford the gas, Young Sheldon weighs the pros and cons of hitchhiking. After Carl Sagan speaks to him in a dream, Young … Continue reading Young Sheldon, “The Pros and Bazingas of Hitchhiking”
Live & Uncensored: Gillibranded
Hey Knotheads and other fans of mine, it’s me—Corey Taylor—back again to do my moral obligation as the greatest and most handsome singer of all time to bring you my thoughts on stuff. Some may ask, what about Ronnie James Dio, Rob Halford, or Bruce Dickinson? Aren’t they greater? The answer is NO. I’m the … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Gillibranded
Jon Taffer takes his knowledge of the restaurant and bar industry and sets his sights on Santa’s workshop. After witnessing on the hidden cameras Elves overstuffing the teddy bears, drinking on company time, and outputting toys at a slow rate, Taffer leaves his blacked-out snow mobile and heads in. He yells at Santa for his … Continue reading Holiday Rescue
Kevin Can Wait, “Kevin Keeps On Slippin'”
When Kevin goes outside to grab the morning paper, he is greeted by Lou Ferrigno, who claims to be his neighbor. The two get to talking and Lou reveals that his sense of reality seems to have been warped ever since he went to a voodoo cult. Kevin then grabs the family dog formerly known … Continue reading Kevin Can Wait, “Kevin Keeps On Slippin'”
Big Bang Theory, “The Age Acceleration”
The Big Bang Gang™ meets up for brunch, they are shocked to discover something about their cloned friend Sheldmond—he is quickly becoming an old man. Amy argues that they should scrap the clone and print up a new one, while the Potato Penny argues that Sheldmond is perfect the way he is. While the friends … Continue reading Big Bang Theory, “The Age Acceleration”
Young Sheldon, “All Along the Bazinga Tower”
Young Sheldon tries to become one of the rebellious cool kids in an attempt to get in close with Becky Liebowicz. The ragtag pack of hooligans agree to allow Young Sheldon into their group only if he climbs the water tower and sprays some graffiti. When Young Sheldon gets up there, his pack of would-be-friends … Continue reading Young Sheldon, “All Along the Bazinga Tower”
Breaking News: Straight Dope
Hello again folks, it’s your ol’ pal Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here to RATTLE the cages and break this folding CHAIR of KNOWLedge over your puny little skulls. News dropped today from the InterNATIONAL Olympic Committee that the nation of Russia will be BARRED from the 2018 games as punishment for systematic state-SPONSORED doping at … Continue reading Breaking News: Straight Dope
Guy Fieri’s Ho, Ho, Hoedown
Guy Fieri escapes from his confinement in the Black Lodge to break into people’s houses at night and give them a taste of Santa—Flavortown-style! Guy breaks into a split-level in Branson, MO where the Douglas family baked up some gingerbread cookies that put the shama lama in ding dong. Then Guy rides the gravy train … Continue reading Guy Fieri’s Ho, Ho, Hoedown
Kevin Can Wait, “Kevin is Better at the Lake”
What he thought would be a relaxing day of rest down by the lake turns into yet another case as Kevin encounters a giant humanoid monster carrying a woman through the woods. Chale considers a new career in real estate, while Kendra begins to fade out of existence.