Breaking News: Death from Above

Hello folks, Jesse "The Newsman” Ventura here bringing you the REAL news straight from the TURNbuckle of TRUTH. Reuters has reported that AUSTRALIA is planning on unLEASHING a series of shark deTECTing drones in an atteMPT to make its beaches safer for the children. These ROBOTS can supposedly DETECT sharks from not-sharks swimming around in … Continue reading Breaking News: Death from Above

MasterChef Senior, “Quest for the Apron, Pt. 1”

In this series premiere, 20 octogenarians compete for 8 of the Top 20 spots in the MasterChef® Kitchen™ for a chance to win the MasterChef® Trophy™ and a year’s supply of batteries from the Duracell® corporation and hard candy from the Ferrara Candy Company®. Before they can get their white apron, these retirement home cooks … Continue reading MasterChef Senior, “Quest for the Apron, Pt. 1”

Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen

Hello again MAGGOTS, it’s your ol’ PAL Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here break some NEWS into your body. United States scientists have successfully MODIFIED the DNA of a VIAble human embryo using some thing called CRISPR. No folks, that ain’t no dating APP for fans of George Hamilton. No, it’s SOMEthing FAR more nefarious. While … Continue reading Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen