Super Bowl 2000: Attack of the Football

It’s the Super Bowl again, and yet again it’s the New England Patriots versus Some Other Team. The Philadelphia Eagles are set to play the role of Some Other Team, but if they somehow get lost, the Cleveland Browns have agreed to step in on account of their having absolutely nothing better to do. The … Continue reading Super Bowl 2000: Attack of the Football

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Live & Uncensored: State of the Union RESPONSE

What’s up, my Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Taylor Dandies, and other obvious fans of mine, it is I, your lord and saviour Corey Taylor. That’s right, I used a “U” in savior. You see, I’ve been to the England many a times. In fact, I might just go there again next week. You see, I … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: State of the Union RESPONSE

Live & Uncensored: Tax the Sun

Yo Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Taylor Disciples, and other cool cats, it is I—your lord and savior Corey Taylor. You know what I read today? Well, quite a bit. You see, despite being the world’s most famous and most handsome rock and roll singer, I still make time to get a lot of reading done. … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Tax the Sun

Bing Bang Review—Downsizing

It is true that I went into the movie Downsizing wearing a shirt that declared, “I hate the movie Downsizing.” It is also true that I sold these shirts to the friends with whom I saw this movie. At the time of having these shirts printed up, my hatred of the film extended only to … Continue reading Bing Bang Review—Downsizing

Live & Uncensored: What a Shithole!

Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Cult of Corey, and anyone else who might be reading, it is I—the Great Corey Taylor—here to dispense my thoughts and wisdom on you. You see, as a celebrity rockstar rock god, it is my moral obligation to dedicate at least part of my very busy schedule to inform the uneducated … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: What a Shithole!

Young Sheldon, “Green Around the Bazingas”

A scheduled visit from Meemaw is cancelled when she comes down with flu. Young Sheldon takes it upon himself to care for his granny while she recovers. When he tries to whip her up a batch of fresh French onion soup, he horribly burns his hand. He tries to hide his injury from Meemaw, but … Continue reading Young Sheldon, “Green Around the Bazingas”

Big Bang Theory, “The Herd Separation”

When the Big Bang Gang™ attends the midnight release of the new Star Wars® movie, the group is split on how to feel about it. Leonard and Howard both say it was the worst movie ever made, whereas Raj and Amy counter their opinion by saying that it was the best movie ever made. Sheldmond—the … Continue reading Big Bang Theory, “The Herd Separation”

Bing Bang Review—Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman

Recently, Amazon added its Prime app to the Apple TV, which greatly increased the amount of content that I could view without having to pay additional money. Since I must have wished upon a monkey’s paw, that came with a horrible catch: limitless access to unnecessary sequels to crap movies. Since I must suffer through … Continue reading Bing Bang Review—Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman

Breaking News: Forest of Illusions

Hello again disciples of truth, it is I, Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to CLOBBER your face and ribs with my biceps of truth and mitts of RAW strength. This past WEEK, some kid called Logan Paul ALLEGEDLY went to Aokigahara (aka The SEA of Trees) and filmed a YouTube video of himself making … Continue reading Breaking News: Forest of Illusions

Live & Uncensored: “In the Weeds”

Hey Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, and other fans of the Corey Taylor multiverse, it’s me, Corey Taylor—the lead singer and vocalist of such bands as Slipknot, Stone Sour, the Corey Taylor Experience, and Led Zeppelin (in this comic book I wrote and illustrated in a dream I had last night). As some of you might … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: “In the Weeds”

Young Sheldon, “Sing Us a Song, You’re the Bazinga Man”

A door-to-door salesman comes to the Cooper residence and convinces Young Sheldon’s mother Mary to sign him up for piano lessons. Young Sheldon initially finds the idea of music to be stupid and pointless, but when his instructor (guest star Kate Mulgrew) tells him that it’s just an applied form of math, he gains a … Continue reading Young Sheldon, “Sing Us a Song, You’re the Bazinga Man”

Bar Rescue, “Emergency Rescue”

When Jon Taffer suffers a massive heart attack, he is rushed to the hospital. But just because his body is struggling to stay alive, that doesn’t mean his mission to save American businesses from decay will cease. On the ambulance ride to the ER, Taffer criticizes not only the driver for not using a state-of-the-art … Continue reading Bar Rescue, “Emergency Rescue”

Bing Bang Review: Christmas with the Kranks

What do you get when Chris Columbus writes a film adaptation of a John Grisham comedy starring Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dan Akroyd and that kid who played Dewey on Malcolm in the Middle? If you guessed Christmas with the Kranks, you would be wrong. The correct answer was a complete and utter disaster. … Continue reading Bing Bang Review: Christmas with the Kranks

Kevin Can Wait, “Santa, Bring My Baby Back (To Kevin)”

With the Gable children completely wiped from existence, Kevin decides to call upon help from the only man-spirit who could possibly help track down his kids: Santa Claus (Jim Belushi)! When Santa arrives, the two discover that whatever is causing Kevin’s reality to warp has also summoned an unwelcome guest—The Krampus.

Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!

Hey Knotheads™, Sour Patch Kids™, and other obvious fans of mine, this is me—Corey Taylor—and I’m mad as all heck right now. Notice how I didn’t swear just there? Yeah, I know this column is called “Live & Uncensored”, but I decided to censor myself anyway. That’s how uncensored it is. I can say and … Continue reading Live & Uncensored: Taxes? Schmaxes!