Breaking News: Teslas in… SPACE

Hello comrades, it’s your old PAL Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to SMASH your faces into the TURNBUCKLE of TRUTH. AS you may have noticed, I haven’t been AROUND much lately. No, GEORGE SOROS didn’t have me disappeared to a secret DEEP STATE detention center on an EXXON oil rig in international waters. He … Continue reading Breaking News: Teslas in… SPACE

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Breaking News: Fox in the House of Mouse

Greetings comrades, Uncle Jesse “The NEWSMAN” Ventura here to set the record straight with my biceps of knowledge. It’s being reported THAT the Walt Disney corporation is buying up 21st Century Fox for over $52 billion DOLLARS. That’s more MONEY than I’ve earned at ALL my Wretlemanias put together! Some ARE speculating that DISNEY is … Continue reading Breaking News: Fox in the House of Mouse

Breaking News: Trick or Treat?

Hello again, COMRADES, it’s Uncle Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to TWIST you into the full Nelson of TRUTH! It’s HalloWEEN time and that means that real, ACTUAL goblins and ghouls will be out LURKING the streets. The only WAY to quench their thirst for BLOOD is to give them Halloween candy. At least … Continue reading Breaking News: Trick or Treat?

Kevin Can Wait, “It’s Not Delivery, It’s Kevin!”

When Kevin wakes up in a package delivery uniform, he decides to look into the rumors that a nearby package delivery warehouse is storing footage of the JFK assassination taken from the grassy knoll. Along the way, he discovers a man called Spence Olchin, who claims to be a buddy of his. Despite having no … Continue reading Kevin Can Wait, “It’s Not Delivery, It’s Kevin!”

Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen

Hello again MAGGOTS, it’s your ol’ PAL Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here break some NEWS into your body. United States scientists have successfully MODIFIED the DNA of a VIAble human embryo using some thing called CRISPR. No folks, that ain’t no dating APP for fans of George Hamilton. No, it’s SOMEthing FAR more nefarious. While … Continue reading Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen

Breaking News: Vladimir Putin and Sandwich Balloons

Hello FOLKS, Jesse "The Newsman" Ventura HERE. As you may have HEARD, I have taken up a job at RT. Let me ADDRESS your concerns here before I get to today’s news. First of all, just because I WORK for a Russian propaganda network, that doesn’t mean I am a STOOGE of VLADimir PUTIN. I … Continue reading Breaking News: Vladimir Putin and Sandwich Balloons

REWIND: Big Bang Theory, “The Conspiracy Theory of Thermodynamics”

[Bing Bang Boom will be taking the week off while I finish packing and moving into a new house. Please enjoy these classic episodes in the meantime. Who knows, they may be relevant to what's coming up next week...] The government is after Raj again now that he inadvertently revealed to the gang and the … Continue reading REWIND: Big Bang Theory, “The Conspiracy Theory of Thermodynamics”

Breaking News w/Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura: #covfefe

Hello FOLKS, this is Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura bringing you nothing but the REAL news, not that fake CRAP delivered to you by none other than the Rothschilds themselves. Our brother Chris Berman is TAKING some TIME off while he copes with a personal TRAGEDY. I believe THAT was a political hit by the DNC … Continue reading Breaking News w/Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura: #covfefe