Breaking News w/Chris Berman: ESPN Announces Mass Layoffs

My employers at ESPN are rumblin’, stumblin’, and bumblin’ with their announcement of massive layoffs. Included in the cut are Jay “Stick In My” Crawford, Ed “Mark My” Werder, Trent “Kosher” Dilfer, and the entire frozen tundra of the NHL department. During the Stanley Cup playoff season, no less! Whoop whoop! Swami sayz this is a huuuuuge mistake that will send the network back, back, back, back, back! Our ratings are in the dumps, but we still. Could. Go. All. The. Way if we used our talent wisely. For example, they could give me my job back covering the NFL. They could also bring back Taco Tuesday at the cafeteria so that I won’t look so stupid wearing my big sombrero to lunch.

News Verdict: It’s a FUMBLE!

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