Hey all you Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, Cool Cats, and the Nation of Taylor, it is I, Corey Taylor—man of many talents. I have a new update for you! Yeah, it’s been a while, so what? This website hasn’t had any updates in a while. Does that make it somehow my fault? I don’t see you posting any updates on here, so get off my back! Six feet away, we’re on quarantine, people!
You see how I said people? Yeah, that’s right. I’m all-inclusive. I may be 100% male, but not everyone is on the binary. Some people are over here, other people are over there, and some are in a completely different state. So long as people aren’t over right here, next to me. This virus stuff is serious. I don’t even let my children near me. I say, “Listen up, ya little boogers, go over there and make your own cereal! Daddy wants to live!” Which brings me to this…
Listen, I love to bowl as much as anybody. Actually, probably even more than anyone else. I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I was a champion bowler back in my day. Not that I’m old and that my day was that long ago. I’m still young, damn it!
But yeah, back when I was a bowler, I thought I was gonna go pro. Then that clown Clown convinced me to be a rock singer instead. I said, “Well, can my stage mask be a bowler mask?” Clown told me no. I would have fought harder, but he was holding a baseball bat. I still think I could have taken him in a fight. In fact, when this quarantine is over, I’m gonna march on over to his mansion and punch him square in the jaw. Well, unless he’s wearing his clown mask. I wouldn’t want to break that, it’s expensive. We would never recover financially from one of these masks breaking.
Where were we? Oh right. I love to bowl, but now is not the time for bowling. Now is the time for social distancing. Social distancing and listening to my music on streaming. (I desperately need those royalties, peeps.)