Breaking News: Death from Above

Hello folks, Jesse "The Newsman” Ventura here bringing you the REAL news straight from the TURNbuckle of TRUTH. Reuters has reported that AUSTRALIA is planning on unLEASHING a series of shark deTECTing drones in an atteMPT to make its beaches safer for the children. These ROBOTS can supposedly DETECT sharks from not-sharks swimming around in … Continue reading Breaking News: Death from Above

Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen

Hello again MAGGOTS, it’s your ol’ PAL Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here break some NEWS into your body. United States scientists have successfully MODIFIED the DNA of a VIAble human embryo using some thing called CRISPR. No folks, that ain’t no dating APP for fans of George Hamilton. No, it’s SOMEthing FAR more nefarious. While … Continue reading Breaking News: The Atomic Supermen

Breaking News: Trump Wrestles CNN?

Hello COMRADES, it’s Jesse “The Newsman” Ventura here again to DELIVER you the latest HARD HITTING news. On Sunday July 2, Donald Trump, the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, retweeted a video of him wrestling the CNN in a no-holds-barred fight. First of ALL, if THIS video were real—which I’ll get to inna MINUTE—it would … Continue reading Breaking News: Trump Wrestles CNN?