Paint It Black

Knotheads, Sour Patch Kids, and friends of the Corey Taylor rejoice! It is I—Corey Taylor—bringing you my thoughts once again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Several months, at least. I didn’t mean to take such a long break, you know, but, like, I had shit to do, and stuff. Yeah, I know. Slipknot hasn’t really done much lately, but so what? We do more than just music, you clowns!

That’s no diss to my buddy Clown, by the way. I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way. If I could take back that use of “clown” as an insult just there, I would. But since it is already written, I cannot unwrite it. That’s actually how the first Stone Sour record came to be. I wrote it, but then I thought, “Gee, you know, I could probably do better.” I couldn’t, though! I already wrote all the songs. So I had to go in there and record them anyway, even though I knew I could have written them better. But so is life.

Speaking of music, Metallica just SMASHED records as their Black Album (aka Metallica) spent its 500th non-consecutive week on the Billboard Top 200 chart. I want to make it clear, folks. When I said “SMASHED records”, I was attempting humor. You see, I meant “records” as in some sort of high achievement, but I also meant it in the musical sense. Metallica is a band, and they put out records. Double meaning. You’ll get it.

Now, some people might be jealous of Metallica for their success. For example, Chadface McKroeger from Nickelback is probably steaming mad in his two-bedroom apartment above a bowling alley. Look, I mean no disrespect to those living in two-bedroom apartments above bowling alleys. No disrespect at all. Again, if I could take back that insult, I would. But I can’t. What I was trying to say is that Nickelback is stupid.

Anyway, I think this is really cool for Metallica. Someday I think Slipknot’s Iowa will set that record. Probably not next week. I’m not great at math, but we’re probably at least a few weeks shy of that record. Not sure. I’ll have to check with Clown about that. Sorry again about that Clown comment earlier, Clown. I didn’t mean anything by it.

So yeah. It’s pretty cool that Metallica accomplished that. It’s a pretty good album. It’s not my favorite, but it’s still pretty good. I’ll have to congratulate Lars the next time I see him. We hang out.

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